every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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