his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
