you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
