I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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