should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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