Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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