you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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