Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
