I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
