i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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