When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
