i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
