does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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