Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
