I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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