just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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