Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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