life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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