I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
