Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
