Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
