if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think i got beer on your cat.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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