well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
