I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
