Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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