I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
