plz talk dirty to me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
