He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
