So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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