Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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