Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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