i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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