I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
