I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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