i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
