Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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