I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
