Someone shit on the floor
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
