How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
