She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
