but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
