The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
