Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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