Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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