Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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