I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
