I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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