I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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