1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
