Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
