I am in a vortex of obligation.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
